My return to God's embrace through the power of Rock

[thumper2573]

I grew up in the Episcopal faith. Starting losing my faith when bad things kept happening and no one could explain why. I would get the pat answer, "It's God's will." Being the "fat kid" especially one with a Quasimodo hump furthered my loss of faith.
I lost all faith around 18 when long buried memories returned to haunt me and I couldn't return them to their grave. Two packs of cigarettes a day was cutting back for me. I got into alcohol (Jack, Johnny and Jose were my best friends.) I sobered up after losing my drinking buddy and then managed to fall to the evils of meth. Cleaned up from that after having flashbacks as to how screwed up my life was on alcohol. Still I ostracized myself from God.
I've struggled with loneliness and depression pretty much all my life without ever truly knowing why. I would have Bi-polar outbursts every-so-often but could ALWAYS handle them by myself. Letting God help me, let alone give him my problems, was about as likely to happen as ten feet of snow piling up in the middle of an erupting volcano.
Two failed marriages later, one to an abusing wife who would use my memories against and to control me, God finally gave me a woman that I truly felt compatible with. Life was great. We had so much in common both good and bad. Then our old demons started to rain hell fire and brimstone on our parade. We started feeding off each other's bad side and tearing one another apart.
One night during a manic outburst in the middle of an argument she got up out of bed to go to the spare bedroom and I perceived it as a physical attack on me and grabbed her to push her on the bed. I immediately felt disgusted with myself. I knew I was completely OUT OF CONTROL.
I spent the next day in a darkness I had never known before. I was struggling to breathe. What I thought was just talking to myself, I was begging for guidance. The following day I attempted to go to work. Never once did I think that God was going to answer my prayers.
I work about 25 miles from home in a highly secure building. As I pulled up to the front door, I realized i had forgotten my badges. I had no choice to turn around and go home for them. I was listening to AIR1 for some sign of hope. Ashes Remain's "On My Own" came on. It hit me so hard that I started balling. Many a song has moved me to a tear but never completely moved me to tears. This song was ABOUT ME!
I almost didn't make it home since I couldn't see through the tears. I spent the afternoon on my couch listening to AIR1, crying nonstop and praying for additional guidance. My partner, although she didn’t actively attend church, always professed a belief in Jesus. She keeps a statuette of Jesus looking down at two kids seated on either side of his lap. I believe that statue looked up and Jesus was crying with me through the whole day.
My prayers were answered when a voice in my head told me to contact a co-worker who is an ordained Baptist minister. The only way I had to get a hold of him was through our work email which is notorious for rejecting outside emails without notifying the sender they were rejected.
My prayers were once again answered when my co-worker called me and agreed to meet with me that night to counsel me. While I was waiting for the appointed time, I started writing. I created a two page letter to the creators of my memories denouncing the control they had over me.
That evening I asked Jesus to once again come into my heart and walk with me. The next day the healing continued. I was on my way home from work when once again “On My Own” came on. I started to cry again. This time they were more happy tears then sad ones. Two songs later I was balling again. “Dear X: You Don’t Own Me” from Disciple came on. This was my first time hearing of Disciple let alone any of their songs. I may never know how God impressed upon them the words to this song, but it enabled me to let go of all the hurt, the anger, the shame, all the negativity that I had harbored all my life. Through the lyrics to that song God spoke to me that all I had experienced wasn’t my fault and I didn’t have to live with that pain any longer. Now thanks to Youtube, I can go back and listen to other Disciple songs. I am truly digging this band.
Music has ALWAYS played a HUGE part in my life. For the most part it was my ONLY companion. It didn’t matter the genre; music always spoke to me. I love Rock and Roll and had gotten into the dark side of Rock. On March 27, 2012, God used that passion and love of rock music to reunite me with him and his Son. It’s only been about a month and there is still much work to be done when it comes to remaking me but the miracles God is doing in my life and the way I feel these days I can only describe as WOW!!!!!
I’m back in church for the Lord has led me to a house of worship where the pastor knows how to speak to me and makes me feel as though she is preaching to me only. God is also leading me already to take on some small responsibilities within the church and has blessed myself and my partner with rewards.
I’ve come to the realization that I CAN’T control my emotions by myself. I’m learning to give it all to God and HE is providing. I’ve never been happier spiritually and I know now that all I have to do is offer my issue to God in prayer and he will deal with it for me. PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ric]

WOW. That's an awesome testimony, my brother! What you'll find about Disciple is that they're not just rockstars. They're people who love and LIVE Jesus. Kevin(singer) has dropped everything and prayed for people before, and God has really used him and the whole band to shake people's lives to the core, just like yours and mine.

Keep going, thumper. It ain't necessarily gonna make life easier, but it'll sure make it better!

[sassy1506]

And make sure you remember that any pain you go through in this life will 1) make you grow in your faith and 2) will make heaven all the better.

[GuitarDude22]

That is truly incredible. All heaven is rejoicing for you.

[Unstereotypical]

I call that the gospel of Metal. \m/

Praise Jesus for that great testimony. Rock and Metal are not evil as so many brainwashed people want others to believe.

Rock and Metal works just as good as any caffine to lift you up and to infuse you with energy and motivation.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Rock and Roll will never hurt me!!"

Sometimes all you need is Rock and Roll. It makes a great pick-me-up.

[isaiah53]

The Parable of the Lost Sheep
Luke 15 Then all the tax collectors and the sinners drew near to Him to hear Him. 2 And the Pharisees and scribes complained, saying, “This Man receives sinners and eats with them.” 3 So He spoke this parable to them, saying:

4 “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’ 7 I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance.

The Parable of the Lost Coin
8 “Or what woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it? 9 And when she has found it, she calls her friends and neighbors together, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the piece which I lost!’ 10 Likewise, I say to you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

The Parable of the Lost Son
11 Then He said: “A certain man had two sons. 12 And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.’ So he divided to them his livelihood. 13 And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. 14 But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. 15 Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. 16 And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.

17 “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! 18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, 19 and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants.”’

20 “And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. 21 And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring[b] out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. 23 And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; 24 for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ And they began to be merry.

25 “Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. 27 And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.’

28 “But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. 29 So he answered and said to his father, ‘Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. 30 But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.’

31 “And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. 32 It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.’”

veerse 20 is really great. The HOLY,CREATER GOD'S only recorded time when HE runs, HE runs not away ,but forward with compassion, to greet you as you enter HIS presence for the first time.